This bit of backstory was written May 12, 2017.
Last night we went to a talk at OCSC, our beloved local sailing school, about Blue Water Cruising -- which means crossing oceans for pleasure in a sailboat, as we aim to do. The couple giving the talk had spent three years exploring the Pacific in their boat. Near the end I experienced a wash of terror, very simple and clean. I’ve had waves of anxiety about our dream before, but I view anxiety as just a broken alarm bell, and so those I gently brush away with the skills I have cultivated in meditation. The terror was a different thing, a genuine emotion, so I stayed with it. It had an interesting quality; it felt both like a great blankness and had a rushing sensation to it. If I had to put it in words I think it would just be “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” It was nonverbal and unlike anxiety, there was no inner push to create a story. Just this big, blank, wide-eyed rush.
This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at https://gettingfr.ee/2018/04/28/darkness-and-light/